How to Elope with Family
Eloping with Family
The idea of eloping sounds like music to your ears. The concept checks off the adventurous spirit in your bones. You want to start off your marriage with a bang, choosing an experience over a large party.
You’ve picked a beautiful background location that makes your soul sing.
Your heart is 100% into the idea of experiencing an amazing day with your significant other planned exactly how you would want it down to the adventure vehicle to get you to the perfect location.
There’s just one barrier that keeps bothering you.
No matter how great the above scenario sounds, you still cannot imagine doing this without your family. They’ve been through the thick and the thin with you, helped you make decisions that shaped your life. How could you not include them?
You can still have an elopement and bring your family along with you.
An elopement does not necessarily mean excluding the people most valuable to you in your lives. In my own elopement, we had 20 of our closest family and friends join us in the experience.
Those relationships are beautiful and we are so grateful to have them in our lives. Some of the most beautiful elopements include 10-15 people to share in the day.
An elopement is an intimate wedding day where the focus is on the couple.
This does not exclude having other people present for the most important day of your life.
There are no rules when it comes to elopements. It is a day fully crafted by you. You decide who is there and who is not there. It doesn’t have to mean running off to get married in secret if you do not want to.
So what’s the best way to include your cherished friends and family? How do you bring them along in this weird adventure that you’ve crafted in your head?
I can help. Let’s unpack it.
How to Include Family in Your Elopement
There are so many options and various ways to include your family in your elopement.
They can stand with you as you say your vows on top of the mountain, or they can simply party with you afterward. There’s no one “right” way to include them.
The only thing I ask, is that you do not compromise your vision to satisfy their expectations.
There are some ways to make this easier if you just draw the boundaries around making sure the day is specifically for you two. Let’s focus on what you want and then integrate them into the planning. It becomes easier to see how to include them, when you’ve already made decisions on your hearts desire.
Still figuring that out? Check out my guide to finding the perfect location.
Once you know the vision and location, we can start to see where the family and friends can be incorporated. Keep scrolling to see some of the ways you can introduce them to your day:
Have One Epic Ceremony
Create one ceremony where family and friends stand up with you as you say your vows. It’s the beautiful moment when you commit to each other, and it’s amazing to have them all there as you do it. Keep in mind that this could determine exact location due to mobility issues or other considerations to the people who are joining for that moment.
Split Up the Day
Spend the day together in the most intimate manner. Commit on the top of a mountain with just you and the sky. Say your vows to the sounds of the ocean waves breaking on the sand. And then when you’ve had your moment, spend the night partying with your closest people. Grab food, dance to a DJ, and eat cake. This can be done in so many different ways and is a super customizable option. You could have two ceremonies. Or you could just hang out in the morning. The options are endless.
Facetime or Skype
With the advancement of modern technology and the connectivity we live in, having a remote moment with your family can also be an awesome way to include them when, say, the location is too difficult for them to get to. Some family may not be able to travel either. Some of the best ways to have a private moment is to video chat with them during the most amazing day and share the excitement with them remotely.
Letters or Other Recordings
Have family send letters or video recordings to watch/read on the day of your wedding. Spend some time together pouring over beautiful handwriting or listening to Mom cry as she gives her best marital advice. Adding this special time to your day can wind up being the most emotional and beautiful moment of the entire day.
Spread it Over a Few Days
Finally, you can have a multiple day wedding experience - get married just with the two of you present one day. Spend the next day with another ceremony for friends and family. Or just have a large party with them the next day after you’ve had an epic adventure the day before.
Other Tips and Considerations for Eloping with Family While Still Keeping the Focus on the Two of You
Accessibility - Can everyone physically make it to the locations you’ve picked out? If that’s something you’re concerned about, make sure you take that into account rather than scheduling a 6 mile round trip hike. This might not matter to you, and you could tell people to join only if they can.
Accommodations - Make sure you have water and snacks, it can change the entire morale and make people far less fussy. Lord knows I get hangry on occasion, so make sure you keep your group fed. Also, consider transportation to and from the location, and how many people can fit. And don’t forget about helping them pick out hotels or resorts that can accommodate the number of people.
Personalities - Choosing to have family and friends join you certainly changes the dynamics of your wedding day, and you should be aware of how that will effect the overall feeling of it. Don’t let it get out of control. Be up front about all the boundaries you may need to draw. Be direct and don’t let things go. This is your day and you deserve to have it go your way. Trust me, it’s worth it.
I had family join us for our elopement. The night before was a true example of how competing personalities and interest almost came between my fiance and I. The family cancelled our reservations for dinner without asking or securing an alternative. We spent over an hour and a long drive to finally get pizza at a random spot. It was the only place open. Afterward, both of us were so angry at the situation that we felt the other was at fault for not speaking up.
It’s so important that you have your own voice and that you use it to make sure the wedding date goes exactly as it should, focused on the two of you.
Having family join you for your elopement is a beautiful experience and a wonderful thing to share. The only way it can go wrong is if you compromise on your vision to please others. Remember, this is your day and you do not need to cater to anyone else.